Sex & Dating

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So this is a post about me debating whether or not to post about my experiences with sex and dating.  About relationships, etc.

I’ve had some requests lately that I divulge any obstacles or adventures that I’ve experienced in my newfound post-Christian singleness.  Such a subject certainly falls under the very broad theme of my blog.  And since religion has done such a fantastic job in the horrific work of making a taboo of sex — when it’s really just another component of this amazing thing we call life — maybe, just maybe, the subject is actually worth considering…

After all, establishing open dialogue over areas of public taboo has always been a great passion of mine.  As a pastor, I vigorously advocated the idea that no subject should be off the table.  If you’re thinking it, it’s likely worth talking about.  Even then I worked to maintain an open dialogue when it came to things like the wonder and beauty of human sexuality.  Yes, we even had Sunday morning sermons on said topic.  And now that I am a post-Christian former pastor, my feelings have anything but receded in this arena.  So if I’ve always been comfortable talking about sex, why should that stop now?

So, again, I wonder and debate: whether or not I should blog about my personal experiences in this particularly extreme sport of the soul…

I guess I can see why observers may be curious.  You know, since my faith kind of cut my dating experiences short.  Or at least, short of what’s typically found in American society.  Prior to meeting my future-wife, I had only gone out on one other date, with a girl from Bible camp.  After that I went out with my 16-year-old high school sweetheart and she quickly became the first and only girlfriend I had ever had.  Still to this day, she’s the only one I’ve ever had.  Following three and a half years of dating, we were married.  13 years after that, divorced.

I guess this is where all the curiosity builds up in the minds of my readers.

Fast-forward to a divorced version of myself at age 33.  Fast-forward to the Me who suddenly needed to learn all the ropes at once.  Bypassing all the normal lessons of flirting and psychology.  Of the playing of Hard to Get and other such games.  All the lessons that boys and girls normally learn as teens and twenty-somethings.  All the things about which I suddenly found myself thrown into dating society and completely quite clueless.

I laugh now at my naiveté.  Through all my marital experience, my pastoral training and advice-giving, through the reading of numerous counseling and psychology books, I had entered the dating scene fancying myself as one incredibly able to read women.  Able to read their gestures, understand their mentality, and get inside their heads with great skill.  Or at least, these are the superhero skills that I thought I had held prior to singleness.

And then I realized how absolutely unaware I was.

Seriously clueless.

Like, as in, no idea whatsoever.

So let’s just say: I had some learning to do.  A lot of it.  And quickly please.  I had suddenly found myself in need of condensing all those rope-learning years as hurriedly as possible.  So I suppose I can see why some would assume there have to be some pretty good stories buried in there.  There just has to be.  And maybe others are looking to gain some insights for their own lives.  Or maybe looking for a case study on the bumpy road from religious to secular.  But more likely, they just want a good comedy routine.  Who doesn’t love a good laugh at the rookie’s expense???  Haha..

So this is my post about whether or not I should post all those stories.  Considering whether or not it would be fun to go into more detail on how that whole adventure unfolded.  The false assumptions and awkward approaches, the terrifying wake-up calls and Oh-My-God realizations.  The excitements, embarrassments, and entanglements of 20 years of bachelorhood all wrapped into one.  And now, standing less than two years into this newest chapter, do I talk about how well I’m sitting now?  Do I address whether or not I’ve become a quick learner?  Do I milk this for all it’s worth???

So, this is the post where I consider the literary value of all these stories.  The article where I consider an article on sex and dating.  The one where I talk about that which sparks more curiosity than anything else in this rugged earthen existence.  But at the end of the day, alas, I must confess, this is also the post where it occurs to me, that I think even now at present I’ve quite possibly said too much already…

Hank Moody or David Spritz?  The world may never know……

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2 comments

  1. It’s a great idea to discuss with clarity and openness ideas usually held as taboo in America. One of the funny taboos is that US Bible states download more pornography per capita than the rest. 95% of American women have sex before marriage before their 44th birthday.

    I’d really recommend looking up Bruce Gerencser’s old blog, where he was remarkably honest about how he once saw a colleague in a strip club (and never a word about it for 17 years).

    https://web.archive.org/web/20140312012546/http://brucegerencser.net/2014/03/evangelicals-porn-premarital-sex/

    The most repressed Christians usually have funny stories when they leave

    http://www.salon.com/2014/11/02/how_i_left_the_purity_movement/

    All the best with your journey Drew

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There’s nothing wrong of posting your sex and dating experiences. Some won’t like it and some will do. But I do believe that people will also learn from others experience. ^^

    Liked by 1 person

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